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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,

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The pie chart depicts the percentage of British
students
Use synonyms
 at one university in England who were able to speak different languages
in addition
Linking Words
 to English between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 able to speak Spanish only
in addition
Linking Words
 to English,
Whereas
Linking Words
 the same percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 were able to speak only German in both of the years. In 2000, Spanish ranked first with 30% out of the total
proportion
Use synonyms
 of British
students
Use synonyms
. French only accounted for 15%,
Whereas
Linking Words
 10% of
students
Use synonyms
 were able to speak German only. The
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who could not speak any other
language
Use synonyms
 was 20,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
show examples
 those who were able to speak two other languages and another
language
Use synonyms
 was 10% and 15 %, respectively. In 2010, 35% of
students
Use synonyms
 out of the total
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 were able to speak Spanish only,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who could speak French and German was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 10%. Another
language
Use synonyms
 accounted for 20%, but the same
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 were able to speak no other
language
Use synonyms
 and two other languages, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, whereas".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, proportion, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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