IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that positions of high responsibility in a company (such as CEOs or directors) should receive much higher salaries than ordinary employees. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Most CEOs are individuals who
work
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 as the head of the
company
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, continuously trying to overhaul it to a more positive side.
This
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 sort of personality has to be respected by the whole
company
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, and
this
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 is the reason why they earn more.
However
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, directors usually take a higher amount of income than other employees. The point to be taken about
this
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 is that not every CEOs are the same - a particular amount seldom carry the name of "Boss",
while
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 only a few really participate in the
company
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 as "Leader". Regardless of the situation, both bosses and leaders should care about their workers. To do so, equal earnings should be set for all personnel working in the
company
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, from ordinary staff all the way up to CEOs/CFOs. A similar strategy of equality by earnings can be seen in organisations that
work
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 in deep collaboration with their own staff, constantly looking after the process of the
work
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 itself without making any mistakes during the
work
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.
As a result
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, the majority of companies' presidents get approximately the same amount of money. In summary,
while
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 different statuses of individuals may lead to different incomes, the consequences may lead to widespread problems of inequality. Regarding leaders who
work
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 in co-working with their own staff , they usually earn similar income, avoiding the problem and creating an atmosphere of equality.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in the first part.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Some points are interesting, but they need more explanation.
task response
Use a real and clear example. Your example about companies is too general.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. Sometimes your sentences move too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each supporting point connects well to your opinion about pay and responsibility.
task response
You give a clear topic from the start: CEOs and pay.
coherence and cohesion
You have a short conclusion at the end.
task response
You try to compare leaders and workers, which shows an attempt to discuss both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraph breaks, so the ideas are not all in one block.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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