: In many countries, some employers reject job applicants because of their age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?"

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Nowadays, working in some companies is becoming common among
individuals
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, especially
,
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apply
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young people, because of the desire to achieve financial independence.
However
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, some managers and employers do not accept young workers.
This
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trend is a highly negative development for both
individuals
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and society. On the negative side, the main drawback is that many young people acquire enough knowledge to work and manage a company. In
this
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advanced and competitive world, many young
individuals
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try to achieve success and goals. They are working tirelessly and working hard.
However
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, rejecting them
to work
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from working
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in offices and companies impacts their actions.
For example
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, when employers do not give allowance to people who have tried to work in a successful company with consistency and perseverance, their passion can be lost.
As a result
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, it creates unfair financial instability and harms mental well-being. A
further
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disadvantage is losing knowledgeable staff, leading to an unproductive atmosphere. Namely, many elderly employees are not knowledgeable , and they need to improve their qualifications.
For example
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, in Japan, rejecting non-experienced staff was becoming common
,
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in 2019. It had some repercussions,
such
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as decreasing the budget and achieving success. In conclusion, rejecting job applicants
due to
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their age is a completely negative development.
This
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practice inflicts severe financial hardship on
individuals
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and strips companies of invaluable, experienced workers. Ultimately, governments must enforce stricter anti-discrimination laws to protect citizens and maintain a productive, fair national economy for everyone.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put one clear point first, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use link words in a more natural way. Some parts repeat the same idea, like work and working hard.
task achievement
Support your ideas with more clear and real examples. Your Japan example is not fully clear.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. Keep focus on age only.
task achievement
Check meaning carefully. In one part, you say young people are rejected, but later you talk about experienced workers.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear: you think this is a negative development.
coherence cohesion
You use paragraphing well, with one main idea in each body part.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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