IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows the number of fatal injuries (resulting in death) of workers in New Zealand between 1992 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

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The graph shows the number of fatal injuries (resulting in death) of workers in New Zealand between 1992 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
The bar chart
compare
Correct subject-verb agreement
compares
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of workers which are
death
Use synonyms
 across New Zealand from 1992 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it illustrates by comaprisons between in 18 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
death
Use synonyms
 was fluctuation.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuation
 is all about
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the proportion of fatal work injuries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 fluctuated and
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
.
Initially
Linking Words
, the details of 6,632
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the highest
death
Use synonyms
 recorded in 1995. Afterwards, the
number
Use synonyms
 of fatal
workers
Check wording
worker
show examples
 injuries decreased and remaining aproxmately 6,200 until 1999.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the proportion of
death
Use synonyms
 are slightly decreased in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2001.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, accounted
much
Change preposition
for much
show examples
smaller
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 in 2002 and stood at around 5,200
subsequently
Linking Words
.
Nevetheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
, there are
fluctuating
Replace the word
fluctuations
 between year of 2003
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2007.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
workers
Check wording
workers'
show examples
 injuries and
death
Use synonyms
 are delined to 4,500
ultimately in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, death with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • fatal injuries
  • workers
  • New Zealand
  • 1992 to 2010
  • summarize
  • main features
  • comparison
  • trend
  • high number
  • decline
  • dangerous
  • working conditions
  • improved safety
  • regulations
  • industries
  • notable drop
  • initiatives
  • effective
  • lowest point
  • continuous efforts
  • protocols
  • protect
  • successful
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