IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects- Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a controversial
argue
Replace the word
argument
 that learning
History
Use synonyms
 is
most
Rephrase
more
show examples
 important in school
or
Correct word choice
than
show examples
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 is crucial to educate children at school. In
this
Linking Words
 statement, I would firmly argue that educating
Use synonyms
Technology
Change preposition
in technology
show examples
 and
Science
Use synonyms
 is a significant issue in a class. On the
on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 hand, numerous people claim that
Historic
Correct determiner usage
the historical
show examples
 class is the most important
secter
Correct your spelling
sector
 of education.
In other words
Linking Words
, teaching
History
Use synonyms
 allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 review historical incidents and learn
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important meanings so that they may not repeat the same problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, The second world war remains a lot of meanings to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
. A historical
contry
Correct your spelling
country
 has been advocate totalianatalism
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it comes to intence matter of humanity,
such
Linking Words
 as social
zenoside
Correct your spelling
genocide
.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
this
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
 proves
,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 to prevent
this
Linking Words
 situation, individuals should know about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
history
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that educating
Use synonyms
Science
Change preposition
in Science
show examples
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 is more practical than other subjects. To be more specific, teaching
technology
Use synonyms
 to students brings social progress, making contry not only more economical but
also
Linking Words
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 aboundant
life
Use synonyms
 style in the long run.
For example
Linking Words
, The U.S.A had been actively
invested
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 in
IT-
Punctuation problem
IT technology
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, that country
enable
Verb problem
is able
show examples
 to improve workforces and national wealth,
following
Verb problem
making
show examples
individuals
Check wording
individuals' lives
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 more stable.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 means that
advance
Replace the word
advancement
 of
Use synonyms
life stlye
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 comes from educating people
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
scientific
Correct article usage
the scientific
show examples
 and technological sectors. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, it is true that many people argue that teaching
history
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 children allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 prevent the
worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
 situations again.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is evident that
convey
Wrong verb form
conveying
show examples
 the knowledge of
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 may improve
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
public
Correct word order
public's level of life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 level.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully and add your own view in a very clear way in the end and in the body.
task response
Use main ideas that are easy to follow. Then add one or two simple support sentences for each idea.
task response
Give examples with clear detail. Make sure each example clearly helps your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph order clear: intro, one side, other side, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like On the one hand, On the other hand, For example, Therefore, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it. Some parts are hard to follow now.
task response
You discuss both views, so you address the main task.
task response
You give your opinion, and it stays mostly the same through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs with an opening and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to show order between ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical context
  • cultural heritage
  • societal development
  • scientific advancements
  • technological innovations
  • economic growth
  • global challenges
  • educational curriculum
  • interdisciplinary approach
  • innovation-driven economy
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