IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You started in your present job two years ago. And you now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear……,

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Dear Sir. I am writing to ask for a permition about changing my position. As you know, I have already
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
show examples
 department for two years
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
let
Wrong verb form
has taught
show examples
 me
learn
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a lot of
Use synonyms
skills of
Correct word order
sales skills
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 and helped me
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 the best
sales
Use synonyms
 man the season.
However
Linking Words
, I would like to
require
Verb problem
request
show examples
 moving to
Use synonyms
Design
Correct article usage
the Design
show examples
 department
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I would state my reason in the following paragraphs. First of all, I would like to thank you for giving me many chances to
equip
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 my
sales
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
negociating
Correct your spelling
negotiating
 with clients, promoting product and most importantly, getting over fears of meeting strangers.
However
Linking Words
,
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of
sales
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
, I
eager
Verb problem
am eager
show examples
 to learn more
skills
Use synonyms
 in the company. Especially, I am always
interest
Replace the word
interested
 in
Use synonyms
design
Wrong verb form
designing
show examples
 our company’s product.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I have got some certificates from
self learning
Correct your spelling
self-learning
 and understand some
design
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 when I
was asistanted
Wrong verb form
assisted
show examples
 my
colleage
Correct your spelling
colleague
 from
Use synonyms
design
Correct article usage
the design
show examples
 department.
Besides
Linking Words
, I really love
this
Linking Words
 company. The environment and working
feeling
Replace the word
feel
 are perfect here. So, those are why I am keen to stay in
this
Linking Words
 company.
Thanks
Replace the word
Thank
 you for your reading and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully,

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task response
Task response: Answer all three points more fully. Say more about what you learned, how the new team will help the company, and why you want to stay.
task response
Task response: Make your reason for moving very clear. Add one or two real examples of how your design skill can help the company.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Put each main point in its own paragraph. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use easy linking words like First, Also, Because of this, and Finally to show the flow of ideas.
task response
Task response: You answered all parts of the task and clearly asked to move to another department.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end, and the closing is polite.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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