IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that each job carries
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 own importance at
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
place
Punctuation problem
place,
show examples
 not only
this
Linking Words
, but
also
Linking Words
 earning does matter a lot as per the role. Having
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
wage
Use synonyms
 for all the employees
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not beneficial instaed of the salary
is
Wrong verb form
should be
show examples
 based on job position. In my view, for more harmony and cooperation same
wage
Use synonyms
 is not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right decision. First of all, if all the
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 in a
company
Use synonyms
 got
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount of payment may create a number of
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
,
Linking Words
due to
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 the jobholders are not getting enough as per their talent. For
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
, two people working in
accounting
Correct article usage
an accounting
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 office,
from them one
Correct word order
one of them
show examples
 is
peon
Correct article usage
a peon
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 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
accountant
Correct article usage
an accountant
show examples
, so in that
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both got same
wage
Use synonyms
 accountant will feel down as he/she is not getting enough. Apart from that
compersion
Punctuation problem
, compersion
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
being
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
the biggest factor which will
effcet
Correct your spelling
affect
 the
company
Use synonyms
's environment.
Consquently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, it put
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
effcet
Correct your spelling
effect
 on the
company
Use synonyms
's image.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
wage
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 put impact on the self-confidence of
employee
Check wording
employees
show examples
 and other new people who want to join the
company
Use synonyms
, as
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 study more for getting good post in multinational companies
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, they are not getting enough as
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
require
Punctuation problem
require,
show examples
Linking Words
then it is
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 directly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 their confidence.
In contrast
Linking Words
, income is
also
Linking Words
being a
Wrong verb form
an
show examples
 initial part of
this
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 factor
Punctuation problem
, employees
show examples
employees
Check wording
employees'
show examples
 income
does effect
Use the right word
affects
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they might not like to work in the
company
Use synonyms
 which is not
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 them as
according to
Linking Words
 their requirements. In conclusion, as per my analysis, pay should
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
depend on the post and talent or experience
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
with that
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not only
Use synonyms
company will
Correct word order
will the company
show examples
 grow, but
also
Linking Words
worker
Correct article usage
the worker
show examples
 will grow.

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer is on the topic and your view is clear. But explain more clearly why same pay would reduce harmony and cooperation. At times, you talk more about pay and job level than harmony between workers.
task response
Add one more clear idea. For example, equal pay may make some workers feel that hard work and skill do not matter. This can make them less willing to help others.
task response
Make your example more full. Say why the accountant has more skill, more work, or more duty than the peon, and how equal pay may cause bad feelings between them.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The main order is clear, but some sentences are hard to follow because there are many ideas in one sentence. Use shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. Body 1 can be about skill and duty. Body 2 can be about hard work, new workers, and staff leaving.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “As a result”, “For this reason”, “However”, and “This may lead to”. Do not use too many links at the start of each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last line stronger: restate your view and link it to harmony. For example: “Therefore, pay should depend on skill and duty, because this is more fair and can help workers respect each other.”
task response
You give a clear view: same pay is not a good idea.
task response
You use a work example with a peon and an accountant.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “First of all”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmony
  • cohesion
  • financial incentive
  • productivity
  • equity
  • organizational culture
  • highly skilled professionals
  • innovation and competitiveness
  • redistribution of tasks
  • job satisfaction
  • meritocracy
  • contributions and achievements
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