IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of adults by age group in the UK who used the internet every day in the years 2003-2006.

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The graph demonstrates the number of individuals by age group in the UK
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 within a day from 2003 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority of the younger generation mostly use the internet
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
old
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 people rely
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
less usage of the internet. Looking at the details, the percentage of the 16-24 age group was 80% in 2003,
then
Linking Words
 in the next two
years
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 index gradually increased to 90%, before decreasing
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 85% in 2006.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the 25-44 and the 55-64
years
Use synonyms
 old
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 showed a consistent climb throughout the given
period
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the 25-44 year old people stood at 70% in the beginning of
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
, the indicator went up marginally towards the end and reached exact 80% in the ultimate
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the ratio for the 55-64
started
Check wording
year olds started
show examples
 out just above 30% in the start of
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 and almost doubled in 2006.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the 45-55 age group constituted 55% in 2003, before soaring approximately to 70% in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 next year and went down 60% in 2005, recovering to its original
Linking Words
at
Check wording
level at
show examples
 the end of
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, the 65
years
Use synonyms
 old and above recorded the lowest development in the trend, which amounted to nearly 5% in 2003 and skyrocketed to 20% in the coming
years
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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