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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the comparison of a countries domestic production and consumption of rice since 1990 with projections until 2040. The chart below compares the consumption of rice and other staples over the same period.

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The line graph illustrates the amounts of supply and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
rice
Use synonyms
 in X country from 1990 to 2040,
while
Linking Words
 the bar chart compares the domestic demands of
rice
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 and other food crops over the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
rice
Use synonyms
 production overtook its
consumption
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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around 2015.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people
cosumed
Correct your spelling
consumed
 more
rice
Use synonyms
 than other staples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most of the time, with
exception
Correct article usage
the exception
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 of 1990.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, the figures for
rice
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 remained
steadily
Replace the word
steady
 at approximately 38
million
Use synonyms
tons
Use synonyms
 from 1990 to 2020, and are forecasted to surge over 60
million
Use synonyms
tons
Use synonyms
 in 2040. The year 2015 marked the point
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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where
Change preposition
at which
show examples
rice
Use synonyms
 supply exceeded its
consumption
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, recording about 40
million
Use synonyms
tons
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
rice
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 production in X country is predicted to
over
Verb problem
be over
show examples
 75
million
Use synonyms
tons
Use synonyms
 after 2040. Regarding the comparison of
rice
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 and other crops, in
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
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 the proportion of
rice
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consumption
Use synonyms
 was lower than
others
Correct pronoun usage
that of others
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, at 48% and 52%, respectively. After that, the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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share of
rice
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 demands constantly increased to a peak in 2020, reaching nearly 90% of the total
consumption
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the figures for other crops dropped sharply to 10% over the same time.
However
Linking Words
, in 2040, the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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amount of consumed
rice
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 is forecasted to reduce,
while
Linking Words
 the data on other food sources is going to
rebounce
Correct your spelling
rebound
, with the percentages of both of them at 50%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, rice, million, tons with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 2 times.
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