IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In a
homogenized
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homogenised
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 economy, it is believed that within a
company
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, all workers should be paid
equal
Replace the word
equally
 to foster co-operation and harmony between the
employees
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. I strongly disagree with
this
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 sentiment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in
this
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 essay, I will argue my reasoning for it.
Body paragraph 1
Incentives in a capitalist-based
businesses
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business
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 are the most important factor that ensures growth is possible. Without any unique skillset, the business and its
employees
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 thereof, cannot function to the best of their ability if they are
no
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not
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 compensated fairly for it. If everyone is paid the same,
then
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 the employee who is looking to grow will
loose
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lose
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 motivation as he and
possible
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possibly
 the least motivated worker
is
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are
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 paid the same. Skill-based pay
incentivizes the
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incentivises
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employees
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 to improve their work and grow.
Body paragraph 2
Other than mere skillset,
responsibilities
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the responsibilities
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 of a manager and their
employees
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 differ drastically. They have different objectives to achieve. Managers have more experience than
employees
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.
Similarly
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, the CEO of the
company
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 is paid more than the manager because they have to
overlook
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oversee
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 and manage the entire
company
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. They have more qualifications than a manager. Based on their stake in the
company
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 and job role, they should be paid in accordance with the burden of the job they hold.
Conclusion
For these reasons, I believe that workers should be incentivised to be more productive and paid
accordingly
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 based on their role, qualifications, and experience they bring to the table. I abhor the notion that
such
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employees
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 should be paid the same when their skillset and the burdened responsibility
is
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are
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 not at the same level.

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task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep this view to the end. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why equal pay may not create harmony. You could also briefly accept one possible good side of equal pay, then show why it is less important.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: pay can push people to work harder, and jobs have different levels of duty. Add a clear example, such as a manager who makes key plans and a new worker who has less duty. This would make your points more real and easy to follow.
task response
Some claims need more support. For example, say how lower pay for a manager could lead to less effort, poor choices, or the manager leaving the company. This will help the reader see the link between pay and the result.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main paragraphs, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas clearer with simple words such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In contrast”.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph should begin with one direct topic sentence. For example: “First, equal pay can reduce the wish to improve.” Then give an explanation and an example before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long or unclear sentences. For instance, the sentence about the worker who wants to grow and the least motivated worker is hard to understand. Split it into two short sentences so your meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in a careful way. You use “employees”, “workers”, and “manager” well, but phrases such as “burdened responsibility” are not clear. Say “the level of duty” instead.
task response
Your position is clear: you do not agree that all workers should receive the same pay.
task response
You choose two useful reasons for your view: the need to reward skill and the different duties of each job.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what your view is, and the final paragraph returns to that view.
coherence and cohesion
The main paragraphs stay focused on one idea at a time, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmony
  • cohesion
  • financial incentive
  • productivity
  • equity
  • organizational culture
  • highly skilled professionals
  • innovation and competitiveness
  • redistribution of tasks
  • job satisfaction
  • meritocracy
  • contributions and achievements
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