IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You recently purchased an item from a local store, but you are not satisfies with your purchase. Write a letter to the manager of the store. In your letter •Describe the item you bought and why you need it •explain why you are not happy with it •say what you would like the manager to do Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

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Dear Sir or Madam, I purchased a fan from your store a few days ago;
however
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, I am not at all satisfied with the quality of the appliance. It was a USHA manufacturing air purifier with an electric wire to be plugged in , with a beneficial feature that it can automatically charge the rechargeable battery inside. The benefit is that in times of hot weather, the air purifier becomes a portable device that I can carry to work, if needed. Unfortunately, the wiring on
this
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 manufactured unit is not properly working. Every time I try to plug it in and turn the air purifier on, it doesn't start unless I shake the entire machine myself.
This
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 poses a very dangerous risk of injury. I would like to either get a replacement for
this
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 item or get a monetary refund to my bank account. For
further
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 review, I have
also
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 attached my receipt of purchase. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Alex

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task response
Say more clearly why you need the item. At the moment, the letter calls it both a fan and an air purifier, so the main item is not clear.
task response
Keep the item details true and simple. Explain if it is a fan, an air purifier, or both, and say how it should work.
task response
Your request is clear. You can make it stronger by asking for a reply within a set time, such as seven days.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear order: what you bought, the problem, and what you want. Use the same name for the item all through the letter to make it easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are too long and have many ideas. Split them into shorter lines, especially the part about the wire, battery, and hot weather.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links such as 'First', 'However', 'Because of this', and 'Therefore' to show the steps more clearly.
task response
You cover all the main points: the item, the problem, and the action you want from the store.
task response
You explain that the fault may be unsafe, which gives a strong reason for your request.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are correct and fit a formal letter.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part is in its own paragraph, so the letter is easy to read.
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