IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All new employees at your workplace have a mentor – an experienced colleague who gives them advice and support in their career. As a new employee, you have been given details of your mentor. Write a letter to introduce yourself to your new mentor. In your letter • give a brief outline of your previous studies and work experience • explain what help you hope your mentor can give • suggest arrangements for a first meeting with your mentor Dear ....................,

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Dear Sir, I appreciated your time in
help
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helping
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 me, by
beeing
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being
 my coach. I though write a letter
will
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would
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 help you to meet me better and
optimize
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optimise
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 our process. I have
being
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been
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 working in
marketing
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the marketing
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 area for over ten years. I started in a Junior position
and
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, and
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my
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in my
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last
Linking Words
 role
I
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, I
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was working as marketing coordinator, leader of a group of fine
persons
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people
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.
Althoug
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Although
 I have
a
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apply
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vast experience in
field
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the field
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, I continue to study, now I am a student at Adelaide University, doing a
Master
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Master's
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 Degree in Marketing. I was wondering if you could help me understand how representative
is the e-commerce
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the e-commerce is
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 in
this
Linking Words
 company and introduce me to the time. I
send to
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am sending
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 you an invitation for our first meeting. I had checked your agenda before. But, please, feel free to suggest another day. And let me know if you
any
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have any
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addicional
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additional
 information. I want to thank you in advance for making time
for
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to
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 coach me through
this
Linking Words
 process.
Start
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Starting
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 a role in a new company can be very
chalenging
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challenging
. Regards, Bianca Goncalves

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task response
Give a clear name after “Dear”, such as “Dear Mr Smith,”. Say more about your past work, your study, and the help you need. For example, ask about the team, the work, and how to do well in the new job.
task response
Make the meeting plan clear. Give a day, time, and place, and ask if this is good for your mentor. Do not say that you checked the person’s agenda, as this may sound too direct.
task response
Use a polite and work-like tone. Write “Thank you for agreeing to be my mentor” instead of calling the person your coach. End with “Kind regards” and your full name.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clear order: thank your mentor, give your work and study past, ask for help, then suggest a meeting. This will make the letter easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each short part. The work and study parts are mostly clear, but the last part has several ideas together. Use clear links such as “Also”, “In addition”, and “Finally”.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear sentences to show who does what. For example, write “I have sent you an invitation for our first meeting” and “Please let me know if you need any more information.”
task response
You include your work past, your current study, the help you want, and a first meeting. These are all important parts of the letter.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has separate parts for your work, study, help, and meeting, so the reader can see your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use polite words such as “please” and “thank you”, which help the letter sound friendly.
Structure your letter

A letter needs to be written using a proper format, including the following:

  • A greeting (Dear sir/madam, Dear John, Dear Mr. Smith)
  • The main body (consisting of paragraphs for each part of the letter)
  • A closing (Yours sincerely, Yours faithfully, Best wishes, Kind regards, Love)

When writing a letter as part of the IELTS General Training Writing Task 1, it is important to include the bullet points presented to you in the question.

All three bullet points need to be presented. And remember that some bullet points contain more than one element. So, make sure to watch for ‘and’ and plurals.

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