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Band 5.5

Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case ? Is it a positive or negative development ?

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Introduction
It is true that
majority
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the majority
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 of
employers
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 give priority to academic
qualification
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qualifications
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 when they recruit new staff, often neglecting real-life experiences.
This
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 happens because formal education provides a clear indication of an
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individuals
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individual's
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knowledge
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 and
skills
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. I believe it is a negative development because
employers
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 may lose brilliant
candidates
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 when they show partiality towards academic
knowledge
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 alone.
Body paragraph 1
Most of the
employers
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 trust academic credentials as they are the reliable proof of
candidate's
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a candidate's
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knowledge
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.
Individuals
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 who gained degrees, diplomas, and certificates in their university education
,
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apply
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 are often considered more valuable
for
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to
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employers
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. These documents describe that the
individuals
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 have
a
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apply
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knowledge
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 about a particular field, and
also
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employers
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 believe that these
candidates
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 can handle difficult situations in an effective way because they
already have
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have already
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 been exposed to learning and professional standards.
For instance
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, companies who working in
a
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apply
show examples
finance, banking, or
in
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apply
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engineering fields prefer university students as they possess specialised
knowledge
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 required in that field.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, I think practical
skills
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 are equally important as academic
qualification
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qualifications
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.
Individuals
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 with practical experiences
,
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apply
show examples
 are able to create an environment of communication, participation, and problem-solving
skills
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, where educational degrees are irrelevant, but real
skills
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 are essential. Sometimes, degree holders have only theoretical
knowledge
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,
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apply
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 and are unable to manage
the
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apply
show examples
workplace challenges.
Consequently
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, companies may lose talented
candidates
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 when their main focus is on college graduates. It is evident that many successful businessmen do not have higher education, yet they excel
due to
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 their critical and innovative thinking.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 academic qualifications help
employers
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 assess a candidate’s theoretical
knowledge
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, relying solely on them can be harmful. Practical experience is equally important because it develops real-world problem‑solving and communication
skills
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 that many workplaces require.
Therefore
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,
employers
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 should consider both to choose truly capable
candidates
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.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: why this happens and if it is good or bad. Your view is clear. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why some jobs need a degree and why work experience may show skills that a degree cannot show.
task response
Some examples are useful, such as finance, banking, and engineering. However, make them more exact. For example, say what a worker with experience can do in a real job that a new graduate may not be able to do.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims. The idea that degree holders cannot deal with work problems needs a clear example or softer words, such as 'may not always be ready for all work problems.'
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The second main part has one sentence that is not clear: 'Individuals with practical experiences, are able to create an environment...' Say directly what they can do, such as: 'People with work experience can communicate well, work with others, and solve problems.'
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. 'However', 'Consequently', and 'For instance' help the reader. Add a few clear links inside each paragraph, but do not use too many.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first main paragraph more focused. It starts with proof of knowledge, then moves to hard situations, then gives job areas. Add one clear main idea at the start and make every sentence support it.
task response
You give a clear answer from the start: employers use school papers as proof of knowledge, but this can make them miss able people.
task response
Your main ideas fit the question well. You discuss both academic learning and real work skills.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has a clear job: one explains why employers value degrees, and the other explains why this may be a bad thing.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly brings together your main view and gives a sensible final point: employers should look at both education and experience.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standardized measure
  • specialized expertise
  • dedication
  • long-term goal
  • higher education
  • practical skills
  • adaptability
  • problem-solving abilities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • homogeneous
  • diverse perspectives
  • negative development
  • inequality
  • valuable skills
  • insights
  • balanced approach
  • proficiency
  • safety standards
  • candidate's profile
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