IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: •Say what you have learned in your present job, •Suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department, •Explain why you do not wish to leave the company.

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Dear Mr Hashemi, I am writing to request a transfer to the AI department in the
company
Use synonyms
, as I completed an online course regarding artificial intelligence
last
Linking Words
 month at Oxford University, and I believe that I can have a positive impact on our technology-driven products. First of all, I really appreciate the opportunity the
company
Use synonyms
 provided me to work in a valuable work environment, which has allowed me to apply my theoretical knowledge in the workplace
while
Linking Words
 enabling me to improve my essential skills, including critical thinking, communication, and creativity. The experience
also
Linking Words
 acted as a catalyst for deepening my understanding of medical science. I have developed medical software, providing patients with detailed information about their medication
while
Linking Words
 offering them healthy meals associated with their health condition. I believe that if we introduce the software to the public, it can not only improve our customer service but
also
Linking Words
 improve our reputation, resulting in the
company
Use synonyms
’s development. I do not tend to leave the
company
Use synonyms
 because I feel a strong sense of loyalty to the
company
Use synonyms
 because of the opportunities it has given me.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
company
Use synonyms
’s goals are closely related to my passion, which has resulted in job satisfaction. Thank you for your consideration and time. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Mohammadreza Hadavi Bavil

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task response
Say more clearly how your new AI skills would help the AI team. Give one clear example of a task you could do there.
task response
The letter answers all three points, but the part about the company gain could be more direct. Link your move to better products, better service, or more sales.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order. To make the letter easier to follow, use simple links such as “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. In the first body paragraph, the ideas about work skills and medical science could be split into two shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using “because” twice in one sentence. This will make the last paragraph sound smoother.
task response
You clearly explain what you learned, how the company may gain, and why you want to stay with the company.
task response
Your request is clear and polite, and the AI course gives a good reason for the move.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, main paragraphs, and a polite ending.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has a useful focus, so the reader can follow your message easily.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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