IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is mentioned world of work is changing rapidly and
employees
Use synonyms
 can not depend on the same
job
Use synonyms
 for the long term, because of the rapidly changing work environment.
Body paragraph 1
Coming to possible causes in
this
Linking Words
 matter, Artificial Intelligence and technological improvements
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 one
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
. Because many companies
adapted
Verb problem
have adapted
show examples
 to automation in their business units,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it puts a lot of workers at risk in terms of
job
Use synonyms
 security. So those workers face
with
Change preposition
a
show examples
 difficult dilemma, either they have to choose
hard
Correct article usage
the hard
show examples
 path
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is learning new
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
show examples
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scratch, or they will wait for
ai
Capitalize the proper name
AI
show examples
 to replace them in the workplace. Another cause which can be mentioned is the rising competition among firms. Especially, in recent years
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 service
industy
Correct your spelling
industry
 companies have two primary goals, increasing revenue and cutting costs. Cutting costs is done through massive layoffs in most cases, and
this
Linking Words
 trend made the
employees
Use synonyms
 question
sustainability
Correct article usage
the sustainability
show examples
 of their positions. The reason is, when your colleague is laid off because
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 wants to cut costs,
then
Linking Words
 you as
employee
Correct article usage
an employee
show examples
 need to be adaptive and flexible for new opportunities.
Body paragraph 2
AI
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and massive technological
advancement
Check wording
advancements
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 be used in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive way by blue-collar
employees
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can use AI to improve their current technical or soft skills and learn new ones.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I believe that we need to have
open
Correct article usage
an open
show examples
 mind in the first place. Most people think that when they are employed in
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 company, they need to dedicate their 40 or 50 years of
lifetime
Correct determiner usage
their lifetime
show examples
 to
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
job
Use synonyms
, and I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
this
Linking Words
 approach can be changed by
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 question. "Do I really like my
job
Use synonyms
?"
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Capitalize the proper name
This
show examples
 can sound
as
Change preposition
like a
show examples
 simple question, but
may
Correct pronoun usage
it may
show examples
 have
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 impact on how we see the world.
In addition
Linking Words
 to all the things mentioned above, I
also
Linking Words
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that getting
advanced
Correct article usage
an advanced
show examples
 degree at
top quality
Correct your spelling
top-quality
 universities is
also
Linking Words
 a good choice, because whether it is
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
 company or
government
Correct article usage
a government
show examples
job
Use synonyms
, every employer would like to have the best people out there.
Conclusion
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, I believe that rapid changes are
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
show examples
 fact, and
employees
Use synonyms
 need to be ready for them. If we have
open-mind
Correct determiner usage
an open mind
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and continous self-improvement
mindset
Punctuation problem
mindset,
show examples
 no AI can replace us.

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task response
You answer both parts: you explain why work is changing and how people can get ready. However, develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain how AI changes one real job and show exactly which new skill the worker needs.
task response
Use clearer examples. The essay has general ideas about AI, job cuts, and study, but it does not give a full real or personal example. You could describe a shop worker learning to use online sales tools after the shop starts using them.
task response
Some ideas need more care. A degree from a top university may help, but it is not possible or needed for everyone. Add other ways to prepare, such as short courses, work training, learning online, and help from employers or the state.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: causes first, then ways to prepare, and then a short ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main point. The second body paragraph moves from AI skills to liking a job and then to university study. Split these into separate paragraphs or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words such as 'Because', 'So', and 'Additionally' are used often. Try clear links such as 'As a result', 'For this reason', and 'One way to prepare is...'.
coherence and cohesion
Write a stronger opening. State the two causes and the two or three main ways to prepare, so the reader knows what the essay will cover.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the ending balanced. The final idea that no AI can replace us is too strong. It is better to say that learning new skills can help people stay useful when work changes.
task response
You give relevant causes, including AI, automation, and strong competition between companies.
task response
You suggest useful ways to prepare, such as learning new skills, being open to change, and continuing education.
coherence and cohesion
The main parts are in a sensible order, with an opening, two main body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as 'Another cause', 'For instance', and 'Last but not least', to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Artificial Intelligence (AI)
  • Robotics
  • Globalization
  • Outsourcing
  • Freelance work
  • Flexibility
  • Job Security
  • Education reform
  • Critical thinking
  • Adaptability
  • Continuous education
  • Retraining programs
  • Legislation
  • Corporate responsibility
  • Competitive edge
  • Work-life balance
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