IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cities, traffic jam has become a major problem. Some people claim that government should impose a congestion tax during the rush hour. To extent do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 every household has a vehicle
due to
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 which
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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traffic
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 jam has become an uncontrollable issue. It is claimed by some individuals that by imposing a congestion
tax
Use synonyms
 during busy hours government can control it. I disagree with
this
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 notion, as
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that it will put an unnecessary burden on citizens
Correct word choice
, and
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also
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 it will be ineffective most of the time.
Body paragraph 1
While
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 imposing conestion
tax
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 can minimise the
traffic
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 jam a bit, it will put a burden on the lower and middle class society of the country.
For instance
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 In the morning , workers go to their jobs ,
as well as
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 children go to school,
while
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 in the evening , residents come back from work , and at the same time, students come back to their homes from school. So, they are the ones who will have to pay
this
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tax
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 because they will be in the
traffic
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 during rush hour.
Hence
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, it will create problems for them to pay
this
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 kind of unnecessary fee.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason for opposing
this
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 claim is that it will be ineffective to work on countries that have large economies. Residents will find the loopholes to avoid paying
this
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tax
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 , which can put their lives at risk. To illustrate it, when someone is stuck in a
traffic
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 jam and
then
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 learns about the specific duration of the congestion
tax
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, they will try their best to get out of that location by taking any other route , which may be dangerous or put them at risk. So,
this
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 policy is ineffective to be implemented.
Conclusion
To conclude
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 it, it can be said that the growing number of means of transportation in every house is causing
this
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 problem , but it can not be solved by imposing any meaningless taxes on the individuals of the country.

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task response
Your view is clear: you disagree with the tax. However, explain more fully why the tax would not work. The point about people taking other roads is possible, but it needs a clearer link to traffic jams and the tax.
task response
Give one strong real example. For example, say how a worker with a low pay may need to drive at busy times because buses or trains are not near their home.
task response
The question asks how far you agree or disagree. State your position more directly in the first paragraph, such as: “I largely disagree because the tax may hurt people with low pay and may not cut traffic enough.”
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second main paragraph clearer. “Countries that have large economies” is not clear here. Say exactly what you mean, such as “large cities with many roads” or “places where people can use side roads.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “To illustrate it” should introduce a clear example, but the next sentence gives a possible result. You could write “As a result” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “traffic jam” many times. You can also use “heavy traffic”, “the problem”, or “road delays” to make the writing flow better.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same opinion from the start to the end.
task response
Your first main point about the cost for workers and families is relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “For instance”, “Another reason”, and “To conclude” to show the flow of your ideas.
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