IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cities, traffic jam has become a major problem. Some people claim that government should impose a congestion tax during the rush hour. To extent do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
Nowadays every household
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a
vehlicle
Correct your spelling
vehicle
due to
Linking Words
 which,
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam has become an uncontrollable issue. It is claimed by some individuals that by imposing
congestion
Add an article
a congestion
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
 during busy hours government can control it. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion, as
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that it will put
unnecessary
Add an article
an unnecessary
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 burden on citizens
Correct word choice
, and
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also
Linking Words
 it will be ineffective most of the
times
Check wording
time
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.
Body paragraph 1
While
Linking Words
 imposing conestion
tax
Use synonyms
 can minimise the
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam a bit, it will put
burden
Add an article
a burden
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 on
lower
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the lower
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 and middle class society of the country.
For instance
Linking Words
 In the morning
workers
Punctuation problem
, workers
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 go
their
Change preposition
to their
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 jobs
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as children go to school,
while
Linking Words
 in the evening
residents
Punctuation problem
, residents
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 come back from work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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on
Change preposition
at
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 the same
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 students
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 back to their
from
Check wording
homes from
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schools
Check wording
school
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. So, they are the ones who will have to pay
this
Linking Words
tax
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 because they will be in the
traffic
Use synonyms
 during rush hour.
Hence
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, it will create problems for them to pay
this
Linking Words
 kind of unnecessary fee.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 opposing
this
Linking Words
 claim is that it will be ineffective to work on countries
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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 large economies. Residents will find the loopholes to avoid paying
this
Linking Words
tax
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can put their lives
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk. To illustrate it, when someone
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 stuck in a
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam and
then
Linking Words
get to know
Verb problem
learns
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 about the specific
time of duration when
Correct word order
duration of the
show examples
 congestion
Use synonyms
tax
Punctuation problem
tax,
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will be imposed
Verb problem
apply
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they will try their best to get out
from
Change preposition
of
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 that location by taking any
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 route
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 may be dangerous or put them
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk. So,
this
Linking Words
 policy is ineffective to be implemented.
Conclusion
To conclude
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 it, it can be said that
by
Correct determiner usage
the
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 growing number of means of transportation in every house is causing
this
Linking Words
 problem
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it can not be solved by imposing any meaningless taxes on the individuals of the country
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will put them
under the bus
Change preposition
out of business
show examples
.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that you disagree because the tax is unfair to people who must travel at set times and because it may not reduce traffic.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear cause and result. In the first body paragraph, explain why many workers and parents cannot change the time they travel, so they would have to pay.
task response
Your second reason needs more support. The idea that people will drive in a dangerous way to avoid the tax is not very likely or clear. Use a stronger point, such as rich drivers may still pay, so the number of cars may not fall enough.
task response
Give a more direct answer to the question by saying what the government should do instead. For example, improve buses and trains, make them cheaper, or limit cars in busy city areas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, conclusion. Your essay mostly follows this plan, but make the link from one idea to the next clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one short main idea. For example: “First, this tax would be unfair to many workers.” Then give one example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words such as “traffic jam”, “tax”, and “ineffective” too often. You can use “heavy traffic”, “the charge”, and “this plan”.
coherence and cohesion
Make your examples easier to follow. The long sentence about workers, children, and schools has too many ideas. Split it into two or three short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check basic sentence forms and word choice so your meaning is clear. For example, write “every household has a vehicle”, “go to their jobs”, “come back from school”, and “other route”.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the introduction to the conclusion.
task response
You give two main reasons for your view: the cost for ordinary people and the limited effect of the plan.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “For instance”, “Another reason”, “To illustrate”, and “To conclude” to show the order of your ideas.
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