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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some suggest the best way to combat climate change is by having a carbon tax on large corporations’ activities, others think that individuals paying tax on their own carbon footprints will have a greater impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 recommend
that
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is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the best
way
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 to fight climate change is by imposing taxes on large
companies
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' activities.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that imposing taxes on
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 for their carbon
realeasing
Correct your spelling
releasing
 would have a greater impact. I will discuss both these views
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 my opinion in the conclusion. For me,
people
Use synonyms
unconsciously
Rephrase
apply
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can do a every-day
activity
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 that result with high amount of co2 emitting in our atmosphere. So, for those
people
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pay
Correct pronoun usage
who pay
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 a fine
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
activity
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 can decrease
high
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the high
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 amount of carbon dioxide
emitting every-day
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emitted every day
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some factories can deal with their
waste
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 in
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way
Add an article
a way
show examples
 that
emit
Correct subject-verb agreement
emits
show examples
 CO2. Sometimes,
companies
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 that make products can have some unwanted
one
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ones
show examples
 from them. From
here
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here,
show examples
 a problem can begin
when
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if these
companies
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 were burning their
waste
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 anywhere, the burning would emit carbon dioxide
in
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into
show examples
 our atmosphere. So,
this
Linking Words
activity
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 can be prevented by paying a fine.
Policymaker
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A policymaker
show examples
 can impose a tax on
companies
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 that burn their
waste
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
companies
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 would search for other
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way
Check wording
ways
show examples
 to avoid paying money.
Lastly
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, CO2 that was emitting by
this
Linking Words
activity
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, it would decrease more than before.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, citizens can cook food in
Use synonyms
way
Add an article
a way
show examples
 that
emit
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emits
show examples
 CO2 outdoors. Oftentimes,
people
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 can be in family
gathering
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gatherings
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 or
weedings
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weddings
 outdoors and in gardens. From
here
Punctuation problem
here,
show examples
 the problem can start when they
maybe
Verb problem
may
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 cook their food in these places on grills.
Consequently
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, fumes can be resulted by
this
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. With
this
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,
catbon
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carbon
 dioxide is
emitting
Wrong verb form
emitted
show examples
 in our atmosphere
every-day
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every day
 by
this
Linking Words
activity
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. So, preventing
this
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activity
Use synonyms
 would be with paying a fine, if anyone did it
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
. By
this
Linking Words
, governments can ensure that one of
Use synonyms
people's
Add an article
the people's
show examples
 activities that
emit
Correct subject-verb agreement
emits
show examples
 CO2 can be prevented.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
companies
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 may emit CO2 by burning their
waste
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. And taxes can prevent
this
Linking Words
, but
people
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 can emit CO2
every-day
Correct your spelling
every day
 by cooking outdoors. So, preventing
people
Use synonyms
 from doing
this
Linking Words
 every day would be more
benefitcial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your view. However, your main ideas are too narrow. Waste burning by companies and outdoor cooking by people are only small parts of the issue. Add other main ways carbon is made, such as power use, travel, and making goods.
task response
Make your view clearer and support it more. Explain why tax on people would work better than tax on big firms, or say that both should be used. Show how the tax would change choices and cut carbon.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, explain that a tax on fuel can lead people to use buses, save power, or buy less fuel. Explain that a tax on firms can lead them to use clean power and make less waste.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Make the first line more direct: state the two views and your own view in one clear sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each part. In the first main part, focus on large firms and give a full chain: tax, higher cost, change in work, less carbon. In the second, do the same for people.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are hard to follow because of long or unclear sentences. Use short forms such as: “This means that…”, “As a result,…”, and “For this reason,…”. Avoid lines like “From here the problem can start” and say the point in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat “emit carbon dioxide in our atmosphere” many times. Use simple other words, such as “make more carbon” or “cause more pollution”, when the meaning is clear.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and give your own view at the end.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic of taxes and ways to cut carbon.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as four parts: start, view about firms, view about people, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful link words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon tax
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable practices
  • incentivized
  • behavioral change
  • personal responsibility
  • local sustainability projects
  • community involvement
  • collective impact
  • accountability
  • societal shifts
  • innovate
  • financial capabilities
  • technological advancements
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