IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.
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The given two table data graphs compare information about
Correct article usage
the employement
show examples
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 of
freedonia
Change the capitalization
Freedonia
show examples
 by
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
 in six sectors between 1975 and 1995. A glance at the graph reveals that
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 manpower were growth for 20 years,
while
numbers
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
 of male
employerer
Correct your spelling
employer
employees
 were fall significantly in 1995. It is clear from the data,
Number
 of workers
Change preposition
in
show examples
manufacturing and public sector
cover
Correct subject-verb agreement
covers
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 their
number
 of
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
.
However
,
communication
Correct article usage
the communication
show examples
 and wholesale sectors
shown
Add the auxiliary verb
showed
have shown
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Correct article usage
a diffrent
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diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 which was
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
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 to
growth
Replace the word
grow
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by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 females. Both of them
were reach
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reached
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 a point of over 500 and 800.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
, Finance and
bankin
Correct your spelling
banking
 sector growth up
dramaticlly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 women in 1995, it
was not reach
Change the verb form
did not reach
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of males.
Public
Add an article
The public
show examples
 sector was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tiny among
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them, but the graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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domination of males. In conclusion, female
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 joined
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sectors,
due to
seen
Change the form of the verb
see
show examples
 in work life and they dominate opposite gender.
Submitted by fsasdfga on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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