IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree?

#level #positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percent #percentage #women
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It is argued that greater than fifty percent of top positions in organizations are fulfilled by
men despite
Accept comma addition
men, despite
 the majority of the workers in developed nations are female.
Therefore
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, corporations should recruit a certain proportion of top executives from women.
This
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 essay
is disagreed
Suggestion
disagrees
 with the statement because recruitment should be based on qualities and
this
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 type of action will create gender inequality. Recruitment in top-level position should be on the basis of qualities rather than quotas. Fulfilling a particular position from a certain group without considering merit will create a knowledge gap in a corporation, and
this
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 situation will lead to a much greater problem in the economy.
For example
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, according to a survey data from The Nairobi Worker Association, In Nairobi, where a company must
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 its top positions by at least five percent women, the economy has become slow down
by
Suggestion
from
 10% since the law is enacted.
This
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 action will
also
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 create gender inequality in society. The number of workers does not positively correlated with the number of top positions available. Blindly imposing some
restriction
Suggestion
restricted
 on the high positions of an organization will produce negative thoughts among the male employees in that men workers will think that rules are imposed based on emotions not justice.
For instance
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, recently published reports from LinkedIn shows that in countries, where there are
such
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 rules imposed, more than 65 percent male employees think that they are not evaluated fairly. In conclusion, Assigning top-level positions should be filled
by
Suggestion
with
 qualities so that no knowledge gap occurs and in
such
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 a way so that gender equality remains constant.
Submitted by siam32135 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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