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Band 4.5

The chart below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.

The chart below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.
#hours #minutes #uk #males #females #activities
Men
Change noun form
Men's
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 priority versus
women
 The table illustrates a comparison between gender
activities
spending
Correct word choice
and spending
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hours
 which appear sometimes slightly or completely different depending on
type
Add an article
the type
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 of activity and gender. First of all, gender
gabs
Correct your spelling
gaps
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 and differences have
clear
Add an article
a clear
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 impact on
type
Correct article usage
the type
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 and numbers of
hours
activities
Change preposition
of activities
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. As
it
Correct your spelling
is
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 clear for the first group
activities
,
women
 spend slightly higher
hours
 than
men
in
Change preposition
apply
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sleeping 8,8 to 8,.4.
Moreover
,
women
 record
slightly
Correct article usage
a slightly
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 higher percentage than
men
 in resting and personal
care
as well
as
Correct word choice
apply
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. For
hours
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on hobbies and games, and
sports man
Correct your spelling
sportsman
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 have higher percentages than
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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, (37 and ,13) and( ,23 , 7 )severally. Meanwhile, reading is pointing to
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 position in
women
Change noun form
women's
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record
Fix the agreement mistake
records
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 than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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, 26 and, 23 respectively .obviously
men
 give more
care
 about all leisure than
Add an article
a woman
the woman
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woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 (5, 25)( , 4, 53 ) one by one .
The
Change preposition
In the
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second
 group of
activities
 which shows job performance and obligation and subject research , housework , children
care
 , charity work and travel ,
men
 achieve upper rates in employment and study (3,45) ,and (2,26) for
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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,
in addition
for
Change preposition
to
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 travel , 1,32 to 1,22
while
 as
women
 had the highest rate in housework 3 to 1,4 and children
care
 is doubled than man ,32 to ,15 individually . In conclusion,
men
 give superior priority to work , ease and relaxation ,and travel
in contrast
 to
women
 who give senior / greater attention to house
affair
Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
show examples
 and rising children

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, activities, hours, care with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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