IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sum of money that are out of proportion to the importance of work that they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement and what's your opinion.

#people #workers #nurses #doctors #teachers #film #actors #company #bosses #sum #money #proportion #importance #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that entertainment and multinational company professionals are earning enormous in comparison with workers like nurses, doctors and teachers and as per trend the difference in earning is going to ballooned in coming years as well. In my opinion, professionals in health and teaching occupation should be paid more or at par with respect to film actors or company bosses as former professionals help to build a healthy nation and later help in developing the nation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, earning
doctorate degree
Suggestion
a doctorate degree
 is not an easy task, it involves a couple of years hard work and dedication in
study
Suggestion
the study
. If these professionals are not paid well, which will lead to dissatisfaction among them, due to which they will not perform their work with full dedication
as a result
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 leads to ill health of communities.
Also
Linking Words
, as per
research
Suggestion
the research
 that if a professional is not paid well, he will not perform their duty with full determination.
Secondly
Linking Words
, education professionals are those who can build the
natiosn
a politically organized body of people under a single government
nation
nations
 if they pass correct and valuable education and knowledge to their country’s youth. If they are not satisfied with their
earning
the excess of revenues over outlays in a given period of time (including depreciation and other non-cash expenses)
earnings
,
this
Linking Words
can hinders
Suggestion
can hinder
 the nation's progress.
Also
Linking Words
, is a profession is not
rewarding
Suggestion
rewarded
 it will
leads
Suggestion
lead
 to shortage of workforce of those professionals, which can harshly impact the nation’s growth.
Linking Words
Therefore it
Accept comma addition
Therefore, it's
Therefore it's
 necessary to maintain
a
Suggestion
an
 equilibrium among all professions. To conclude, professionals like nurses, doctor and teacher should be on the top of highly paid professions category to make the citizens healthy and students knowledgeable.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it
it is
it's
 necessary to pay more to the professionals like nurses, doctors and teacher in comparison with film actors and company's bosses.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: