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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates the data on a mounted of
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 in a typical week in the hour
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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enjoyed by men and women of different
Use synonyms
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
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 in hiring between 2012 and 2013. From 2012 to 2013, we can see the chart of the recruitment
status
Use synonyms
 by sex that only
females
Use synonyms
employed
Add a missing verb
were employed
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
. The relaxation
time
Use synonyms
 that the
females
Use synonyms
 employed
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 is about 40
hours
Use synonyms
 and the housewives have about 50
hours
Use synonyms
 of
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
. In employed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full
time
Use synonyms
, the
leisure
Use synonyms
 times of the males and
females
Use synonyms
 are about 45
hours
Use synonyms
 and about 35
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively. The
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 of unemployed and retired is remaining constant, the
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 of the
females
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unemployed and retired
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 about 70
hours
Use synonyms
 and
males
Correct word choice
that males
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 about 80
hours
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the highest
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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employment
status
Use synonyms
 is unemployed and retired. The employment
status
Use synonyms
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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 only
females
Use synonyms
 are employed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and housewives. The
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 of employed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 is similar.
Submitted by cseechia09 on

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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add linking words.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words leisure, time, status, females, part, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • employment status
  • full-time employment
  • part-time employment
  • unemployed
  • retired
  • housewives
  • gender comparison
  • notable differences
  • allocate time
  • trend analysis
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • societal norms
  • economic factors
  • gender-specific trends
  • employment transition
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