IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.
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The graph illustrates the information of the employees working in different employment fields of the Republic of Freedonia based on the basis of gender (Male and
Females
Fix the agreement mistake
Female
show examples
). It is found that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
Change preposition
of women's
show examples
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
 working in
Public
Correct article usage
the Public
show examples
(Non-Defence) and Wholesale and Retail trade
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 is higher than compared to
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
whereas
 the count of men
tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
show examples
 to work in Finance and Defence
sector
 is more than
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women.
Overall
, the number of females working in
Non-defence
Correct article usage
the Non-defence
show examples
 area is over 500
thousand
 which is about 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 working in
this
sector
, similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Wholesale
Correct article usage
the Wholesale
show examples
 and retail trade
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. In
defence
Correct article usage
the defence
show examples
sector
Add a comma
,sector
show examples
 nearly 210
thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
males occupancy is found, than of women
that is
 just about 50
thousand
. In
banking
Correct article usage
the banking
show examples
sector
also
 there is
dominance
Add an article
the dominance
a dominance
show examples
 of males found (450
thousand
). In
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
sector
 males and
womens
Correct your spelling
women
 both share
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 spaces.
Submitted by jay chawda on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sector, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼

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