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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the proportion of British
students
Use synonyms
 who speak other languages
besides
Linking Words
 English at one university in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2000 and 2010. We could figure
some
Change preposition
out some
show examples
 apparent differences easily. First of all, only 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
students
Use synonyms
 could not speak another
language
Use synonyms
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
English in 2010, the number is half of the data in 2000, which means more and more people are bilingual in at least one foreign
language
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is the biggest change in
this
Linking Words
 decade. There are
also
Linking Words
 some slight increase and decrease,
for example
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who choose French as a
second
Linking Words
language
Use synonyms
 dropped
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 from 15 to 10
while
Linking Words
 the proportion
Spanish
Change preposition
of Spanish
show examples
 speaker went up from 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, there is no doubt that Spanish is still the most popular choice.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who speak some small
language
Use synonyms
 and who master two foreign languages both experienced an increase of 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a good signal. And it is worth noting that, the group who speak German is the only one in these groups whose data remain the same.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we can draw the conclusion that British
students
Use synonyms
 had been more willing to learn other sorts of languages than before.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, percent, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • multilingualism
  • globalisation
  • immigration
  • education policy
  • career prospects
  • cultural understanding
  • distribution
  • percentage
  • increased/decreased
  • significant
  • trends
  • shifts
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