IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Paying all workers the same salary in a company promotes harmony and respect amongst colleagues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is an irrefutable fact that salary is one of the most important motivations to perform well in the workplace.
However
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, a segment of society believes that all
employees
Use synonyms
 in the company should get the same wage. I personally do not agree with
this
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 notion, because I believe that earnings should be based on performance. The following paragraphs will highlight my opinion
along with
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 relevant examples. First and foremost,
employees
Use synonyms
 should get salaries commensurate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their qualifications and experience. It would be wrong to expect seniors to accept the same wage as juniors
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 with years of
experience
Punctuation problem
experience,
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employees
Use synonyms
 develop as professionals, become more productive and
subsequently
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, generate more value. Take,
for example
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, software engineers. Junior developers do not have real-life experience;
therefore
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,
need
Correct pronoun usage
they need
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 much more time to successfully complete tasks compared to senior developers. Another reason is motivation. A higher wage is the most powerful motivation for everyone to perform better and work harder. Some people spend more years
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and funds in order to get their
qualifications
Punctuation problem
qualifications,
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 driven by the goal of earning more money. If companies start paying the same paycheque, in the long run, individuals will lose their motivation to be better qualified and to work harder.
Moreover
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, workers will not want to take positions that require more effort and responsibility.
For example
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, nearly nobody wants to risk their lives saving others
while
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 being paid the same as someone who does an office job.
To conclude
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, salary can incite individuals to rise through the ranks and work hard
ensuring
Punctuation problem
, ensuring
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 a better life.
Thus
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,
am
Correct pronoun usage
I am
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 convinced that
employees
Use synonyms
 should be paid based on the value they generate.

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task response
Task response: You take a clear side and give reasons, but you should also show more depth. Include more counter views and discuss fairness of pay when all workers are paid the same. Add more specific, realistic examples from work life.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph. Link sentences with a few simple connectives to help flow.
grammar and vocabulary
Grammar and word choice: Some sentences are long and awkward. Shorten and simplify. Use common words and check spelling.
stance
Clear position is shown, which matches task
organization
Good basic structure with intro, body, and conclusion
examples
Use of examples like juniors vs seniors shows some real work life tie
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