Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree?

It is argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
females consist
half
Change preposition
of half
show examples
the workforce of companies, especially in developed countries. Despite
this
, fewer management careers are available for them.
This
essay agrees that
recruitment
Correct article usage
the recruitment
show examples
of
women
as managers should be considered.
Firstly
,
women
in upper hand jobs act identically as men and
secondly
Add a comma
,secondly
show examples
they have the aptitude in order to manage numerous issues. In today’s world, all of the people without the importance of gender are working with each other, so
women
also
have the ability to solve big problems and behave exactly as the men in head positions do. They have had striking achievements in various fields,
such
as education, researches, art, engineering or even the military. If more of the private or public sectors decide to recruit them in their managerial groups, they will be encouraged to follow their goals.
In addition
, they will notice that there are some situations for them to become successful.
This
plays an active role in human life.
For instance
, working in the performing part or as an astronaut is known as
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
hard
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
but the point that Nasa has always been paying attention to is capabilities. There are famous
women
that have important duties in Nasa teamwork.
On the other hand
, they have a specific talent that they can organize varied tasks with different subjects in their daily routine because they more care
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
details.
In other words
, they can recognize fundamental, and essential requirements of the family
beside
Correct your spelling
besides
show examples
any other social assignments that they have. Noticing the potential of
women
by organizations will have benefits in their company function.
For example
, there are some countries that have had the best role in controlling the spread of Covid-19,
such
as New Zeeland
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and Germany. Their minister of health is a female.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
they are successful because of their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, power, and patience. In conclusion,
women
should be appointed in
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
occupations because not only
their
Add a missing verb
are their
show examples
mental and physical potencies are equal but
also
they are able to have the best performance in various tasks.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender disparity
  • glass ceiling
  • workforce representation
  • gender diversity
  • equal opportunity
  • professional advancement
  • social equality
  • gender equality
  • empowerment
  • barrier
  • discrimination
  • inequality
  • bias
  • reinforce
  • inclusive
  • combat
  • strive for
  • promote
  • nurture
  • enhance
  • progressive
  • implement
  • quota system
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