IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males and females from certain jobs because of their gender?

#women #men #strengths #weaknesses #right #males #females #jobs #gender
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recruitment based on the abilities of the employee is
acceptable
Add an article
an acceptable
show examples
 tool among companies ,
however
Linking Words
 , there is a misunderstanding in
this
Linking Words
 issue that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 assumed the gender type is the valuable factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 dividing certain careers which one is suitable for males or females ,so ,I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint and give my opinion.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is well known that the great chefs are
men
Use synonyms
 ,but, many nations believe cooking is the responsibility of women ,
this
Linking Words
 opinion will remove males from
this
Linking Words
 job ,while ,the
strenghts
Correct your spelling
strengths
strength
 which are needed for making
a delicious meals
Correct the article-noun agreement
delicious meals
a delicious meal
show examples
 are creativity , high power in a sense of smell and taste ,at a result ,
exclusing
Correct your spelling
excluding
men
Use synonyms
 from cooking is not a correct decision.
Second
Linking Words
, some countries have expressed the manager position must be more
Correct your spelling
suitable
sutable
Correct your spelling
suitable
 for
men
Use synonyms
 than women ,because the policymakers think
men
Use synonyms
 have more authority and merit for
this
Linking Words
 position that
this
Linking Words
 view is common among patriarchial societies,while,reportedly some nations have been conducted
scientific
Add an article
a scientific
show examples
 study that female managers have shown more sympathy with their staff and better role model for encouraging their employees,at a result,
these
Change the determiner
this instituition
show examples
instituition
Correct your spelling
institutions
 that have females on
head
Add an article
the head
show examples
 of
departement
Correct your spelling
department
hav
Correct your spelling
have
 more successful than others,
however
Linking Words
 ,in the past ,
musclanity
Correct your spelling
muscularity
masculinity
 is a power to doing many jobs but nowadays the most percentage of jobs are independent to physical
strenghts
Correct your spelling
strength
strengths
 . To sum up, dividing
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 with
wedge
Add an article
a wedge
show examples
 of
sexality
Correct your spelling
sexuality
 will remove persons who can play
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 useful role in their community ,governments must enact rules to set equality on job
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 for both genders.
Submitted by homa.ebrahimi987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: