IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should companies ensure that they employ a quota (or fixed percentage) of women in all jobs, or is this an impractical concept? Discuss both sides of this debate, and reach a conclusion based on your own opinion.

Whether employers should consider percentages of female workers in workplaces has been a controversial issue until recently, as some workers
try
Wrong verb form
have tried
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 to bring up gender issues.
However
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,
this
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 argument is not completely clear
and
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, and
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 some firm arguments on how gender
quota
Fix the agreement mistake
quotas
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 impractical to
be regulated
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regulate
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 will be provided in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, supporting the allocation for females as legislation gives birth to various benefits to both
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
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 and
women
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, the proposed regulation would allow
women
Use synonyms
 to enter male professions, ranging from technicians to politicians.
This
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 may attract more female generations available to do
this
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 job,
thus
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 increasing the diversity of applicants. Another important reason might be that the social standing of
women
Use synonyms
 in society and industrial companies has been undermined. To tackle
this
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,
such
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 quotas have been legislated to upgrade
females'
Check wording
women's
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 stature and occupation,
thus
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 leading them to be role models for youngsters in society. These benefits sound convincing enough to support the idea.
On the other hand
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, it can be true that the legislation of gender allocation fairly considers the rights of
women
Use synonyms
 to have various career opportunities as men have
,
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;
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however
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,
this
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 law is likely difficult to be accepted in practical terms.
This
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 is because the number of
women
Use synonyms
 who want to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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politician
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politicians
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 or work as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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technician
Fix the agreement mistake
technicians
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 is considerably lower than men. In
this
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 case, it would appear to be impossible to impose quota regulation on any kind of job. Another point is that inequality issues should not be
proposed
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proposed,
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 as it is against the career and life choices of the applicants. Rather than being enforced by employers or the state, they should choose their own option
which
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, which
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 they think suits them
most
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most,
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 as either men or
women
Use synonyms
 have their own preferences when it comes to occupation. All in all, it seems that the objection to
this
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 law is convincing, but they are likely impossible in practical ways
due to
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 the different career options of workers.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and restate it in the final paragraph.
coherence
Add one clear example for each side to back up your point.
language
Keep sentences short and use simple words so ideas are easy to follow.
task response
You try to show both sides and give your own view at the end.
coherence
The essay uses on the one hand and on the other hand to show contrast.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • quota
  • diversity
  • historical imbalances
  • meritocracy
  • underrepresented
  • gender inequality
  • tokenism
  • administrative challenge
  • nuanced policies
  • rigid
  • complement
  • disparity
  • implementation
  • context
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