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Band 4.5

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.-How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

#people #workers #nurses #doctors #teachers #film #actors #company #bosses #sums #money #proportion #importance #work #-how #-what #criteria
It is common
see
Add the particle
to see
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
such
 as teachers, nurses,
doctors
Correct word choice
and doctors
show examples
 receive a minimum
salary
,
although
 they carry out a very important
job
, with many
responsibilities
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
 is common as well see actors or football players earn a very high
salary
, without carrying out a
job
that is
 fundamental for the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In
this
 essay, I will express my
agree
Replace the word
agreement
show examples
 about
this
 statement and will look for some methods, on the
basis
 of which, take a decision on how persons should be paid.
To begin
 with, I totally agree with the affirmation that some workers are paid more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others,
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
this
 doesn’t depend on the
responsibilities
 that a worker has in their
job
, but I think that it depends on how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 money it can bring to a society with the visibility and audience.
This
 is the reason why actors and players are paid more compared to a teacher or doctors.
For instance
, it is enough to understand comparing the
salary
 of a teacher with the
salary
 of Shakira. A teacher has
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
responsibilities
, as he has to teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
future workers,
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 Shakira has a good voice and a lot of visibility, but not the responsibility to educate another person.
Nevertheless
, she brings for sure more money to a country, when she takes a concert, so she earns more. I can find another example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 issue in working as
carpenter
Add an article
a carpenter
show examples
. He has a lot of things to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, starting from the safe of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other people, but for sure he earns less than
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 actor. Keeping
this
 example in mind, I would like to express some conditions on the
basis
 of which choose how to pay a worker. According to me,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work should be waged on
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
basis
 of
responsibilities
 that he has and on
basis
 of his and
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 safe, which he needs to constantly
thinking
Change the verb
think
show examples
 about during the time of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work.
For example
, a bricklayer can even risk his life during his time
work
Change preposition
at work
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe that the
salary
 should be revisioned and pay more who risks or has more
responsibilities
 than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more fun than thoughts in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
job
.
Submitted by frinfri93 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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