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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.-How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

#people #workers #nurses #doctors #teachers #film #actors #company #bosses #sums #money #proportion #importance #work #-how #-what #criteria
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It is common
see
Add the particle
to see
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worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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such
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 as teachers, nurses,
doctors
Correct word choice
and doctors
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 receive a minimum
salary
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,
although
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 they carry out a very important
job
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, with many
responsibilities
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. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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 is common as well see actors or football players earn a very high
salary
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, without carrying out a
job
Use synonyms
that is
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 fundamental for the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. In
this
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 essay, I will express my
agree
Replace the word
agreement
show examples
 about
this
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 statement and will look for some methods, on the
basis
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 of which, take a decision on how persons should be paid.
To begin
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 with, I totally agree with the affirmation that some workers are paid more
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then
Replace the word
than
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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others,
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furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
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this
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 doesn’t depend on the
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 that a worker has in their
job
Use synonyms
, but I think that it depends on how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 money it can bring to a society with the visibility and audience.
This
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 is the reason why actors and players are paid more compared to a teacher or doctors.
For instance
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, it is enough to understand comparing the
salary
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 of a teacher with the
salary
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 of Shakira. A teacher has
lot
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a lot
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 of
responsibilities
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, as he has to teach
to
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apply
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future workers,
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instead
Add a comma
,instead
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 Shakira has a good voice and a lot of visibility, but not the responsibility to educate another person.
Nevertheless
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, she brings for sure more money to a country, when she takes a concert, so she earns more. I can find another example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue in working as
carpenter
Add an article
a carpenter
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. He has a lot of things to take care
about
Change preposition
of
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, starting from the safe of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other people, but for sure he earns less than
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 actor. Keeping
this
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 example in mind, I would like to express some conditions on the
basis
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 of which choose how to pay a worker. According to me,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work should be waged on
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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basis
Use synonyms
 of
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 that he has and on
basis
Use synonyms
 of his and
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 safe, which he needs to constantly
thinking
Change the verb
think
show examples
 about during the time of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work.
For example
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, a bricklayer can even risk his life during his time
work
Change preposition
at work
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. In conclusion, I believe that the
salary
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 should be revisioned and pay more who risks or has more
responsibilities
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 than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 more fun than thoughts in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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