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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three type of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three type of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparison where relevant.
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The given pie
chats
Correct your spelling
charts
show examples
 compare the proportion of three harmful factors (
sodium
Use synonyms
, fat,
sugar
Use synonyms
) that are used in four main meals (
breakfast
Use synonyms
, lunch,
dinner
Use synonyms
,
snacks
Use synonyms
) in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
,
dinner
Use synonyms
 and lunch are contained the most percentages of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and fat, and
snacks
Use synonyms
 are included more
sugar
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
breakfast
Use synonyms
 is the least harmful meal in order to
containing
Change the verb
contain
show examples
 these three factors. As the figures report,
sodium
Use synonyms
 and fat are the biggest parts of
dinner
Use synonyms
 with 43% and 37% respectively. Lunch with 26% of fat and 29% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 is the next unhealthy meal.
In contrast
Linking Words
, just 14% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 is used in
snacks
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same level as used in
breakfast
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these two meals are contained less fat than
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 others.
Snacks
Use synonyms
 are the less
healthier
Change the word
healthy
show examples
 meal
I
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the light of using
sugar
Use synonyms
. 42% of the snack's
combination
Fix the agreement mistake
combinations
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 are included
sugar
Use synonyms
, and
dinner
Use synonyms
 with 23% of
this
Linking Words
 nutrient is in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place,
whereas
Linking Words
breakfast
Use synonyms
 with just 16% of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is the healthiest meal.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, breakfast, dinner, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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