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Band 7.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
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It is suggested by the World health organization that people ought to eat five or more portions of fruit and vegetables per day. The diagram illustrates the proportion of males and females in the UK by
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the both, the proportion of female and male were high in the 55-64
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the 19-24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 was considered slight. With regard to women consuming, which is a high proportion in the 55-64
age
Use synonyms
 groups by 34, after the 45-54, and 65-74
age
Use synonyms
 groups with little difference (19 and 27, respectively).
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the 35-44 and the elderly
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 was the same percentage
as well as
Linking Words
 the 25-34 ages and 19-24 ages, the former 22, the latter 16 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of men was almost the same as that of women. the first rank of consuming is 55-62 ages ,
in contrast
Linking Words
, younger man’s percentage (just 15). The
age
Use synonyms
 of 65-74 is as high as a little with 75.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the 35-54
age
Use synonyms
 groups both
the
Add a missing verb
were the
show examples
 same
while
Linking Words
 the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 people were one-quarter.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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