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Band 4

The line chart shows trends in terms of employment in the USA in millions and predictions for the future.

The line chart shows trends in terms of employment in the USA in millions and predictions for the future.
#line #trends #terms #employment #usa #millions #predictions #future
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The graphic shows the
employment
 trends and predicts the future based on the past
years
.
Over
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
 we can see that the services had a big rise over the
years
,
on the
contrary
Add the comma(s)
,contrary
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture
 went down gradually. And
lastly
Add a comma
,lastly
show examples
 the manufacturing had a sharp up and a sharp down. Starting with
agriculture
, in 1975
wher
Correct your spelling
where
 80
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 of
employment
, the number stayed steady until 1977 when it decreased
little
Change preposition
by little
show examples
 more than 40
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. From 1979 to 1980 it kept slightly going down. The predictions say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture
 will keep falling in the next few
years
.
On the other hand
, the services remain steady for the first four
years
, but after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 the line climbs rapidly, to a top prediction of 90 million
employees
.
The manufacturing
Correct article usage
Manufacturing
show examples
employment
 stayed constant for the first two
years
, after that it started to increase slowly, until 1979 when it had a significant rise to 50 million
employees
 in 1980, but the rise quickly had the same impact dropping. The drop is predicted to
last
 until 2025. In conclusion, the
employment
 lines in the USA are very variable depending on the job. But concretely the predictions for 2025
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 an approximate of 10 million
employees
 in manufacturing and
agriculture
, and 90
employees
 in services.
Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, years, agriculture, employees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "trends" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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