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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar charts illustrate the activities that UK graduate and postgraduate student did instead of full-time work after learing college in 2008. Overall, the proportion between both types of the student is similar. Most of them studied further, while the rest of them worked voluntaraly. The most often picked option for students is to continue their studyings with the estimate amount of 29665 graduates and 2725 postgraduates. Second in popularity is a part-time work counting 17735 graduates while only 2535 postgraduates.

The bar charts illustrate the activities that UK graduate and postgraduate student did instead of full-time work after learing college in 2008. Overall, the proportion between both types of the student is similar. Most of them studied further, while the rest of them worked voluntaraly. The most often picked option for students is to continue their studyings with the estimate amount of 29665 graduates and 2725 postgraduates. Second in popularity is a part-time work counting 17735 graduates while only 2535 postgraduates.
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The bar charts illustrate the
UK
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graduate
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 and fourth graduated
students
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 who hadn't gone into full-time
work
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 after finishing the college in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, those charts represents the number of
graduate
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 and postgraduate
students
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, and illustrate the
destination
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, namely: part-time
work
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, voluntary
work
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,
further
Linking Words
 study and unemployment of
UK
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graduates
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 and postgraduates without full-time
work
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 in 2008.
Destination
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 of
UK
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graduates
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 excluding full-time
work
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 were on top level, namely: 17735
graduates
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 were in part-time
work
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, 3500
graduate
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 were in voluntary
work
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.
While
Linking Words
,
destination
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 of
UK
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 postgraduate were way lower than
graduates
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destination
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, the part-time
work
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 was seven times lower than part-time
work
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 of
graduates
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. Voluntary
work
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 were postgraduates doing was approximately ten times lower than
graduates
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 activity. The number of
further
Linking Words
 study which
graduates
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 were doing was on the top near the ten time bigger than postgraduates activity which consisted 29665 and 2725. The amount of unemployment among
graduates
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 was reached 16235
graduate
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students
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.
While
Linking Words
 the number of unemployment between postgraduate
students
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 was ten times lower than
graduates
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, graduate, students, work, destination, graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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