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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of Fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of Fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
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The given bar chart highlights information about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of vegetables and fruits which were eaten by both genders
with
Change preposition
of
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 different ages each day in the UK, in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that women ate
the
Correct article usage
a
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 high portion of these healthy meals rather than men in all age groups with the exception of
senile
Add an article
a senile
the senile
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 group that consumed exactly the same amount.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, in the youngest group related to women, the percentage started with 16% who were reluctant to eat healthy meals compared to other groups, and
then
Linking Words
 the figure experienced a steady increase the following swarms and it hit a peak with approximately 34% in (55_64) gang. After which the percentage decreased to under 30% and
finally
Linking Words
 stopped at 25% in the
last
Linking Words
 category.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the portion related to men experienced a steady increase from 15% to 22% in the first half of the period but
then
Linking Words
 it soared to approximately 33% in (55_64) gang but
then
Linking Words
 again fell
over
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to over
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 25%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it remained stable
at
Change preposition
in
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senile
Add an article
a senile
the senile
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 group which meant that Middle-aged men
was
Change the verb form
were
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 more eager to swallow healthy food.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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