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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #percentages #men #women #employment #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The illustration depicts the percentage of people that worked in Canada, South Korea and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 in 2005 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the significant differences happened in the employment rates of
women
Use synonyms
, rather than
men
Use synonyms
. Because the
number
Use synonyms
 of females in all three countries
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 decreased, but the
number
Use synonyms
 of employed males
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased in Canada and South Korea
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but decreased in
Sweden
Use synonyms
. In 2005 approximately 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 were employed and about 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
.
Add a missing verb
were.
show examples
 But
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 has changed
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
men
Use synonyms
 and almost 55
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
women
Use synonyms
. In
Canada
Add a comma
,Canada
show examples
 employment
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 of both genders have increased, unlike
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Sweden
Use synonyms
. Because
Sweden
Use synonyms
 in 2005 about 80% of
men
Use synonyms
 had a job and almost half of
women
Use synonyms
 were employed. The percentages have changed a little bit. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
males
Add a comma
,males
show examples
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 has decreased to 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, but the
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 that were employed
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 slightly increased to 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In South
Korea
Add a comma
,Korea
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of employed
men
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased from about 75
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to approximately 80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The
number
Use synonyms
 percentage of females
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 risen from 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to about 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by Ayan on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sweden, women, men, number, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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