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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. How to answer this task? Introduce the pie charts. Write what do they summarize. Write a general overview. Write in brief the main trends. Describe the first chart. Tell about the activities on the boys' chart and their popularity. Use linking structures and vocabulary to describe graphs. Describe the second chart. Tell about the activities on the girls' chart and their popularity. Use words from academic wordlist.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. How to answer this task? Introduce the pie charts. Write what do they summarize. Write a general overview. Write in brief the main trends. Describe the first chart. Tell about the activities on the boys' chart and their popularity. Use linking structures and vocabulary to describe graphs. Describe the second chart. Tell about the activities on the girls' chart and their popularity. Use words from academic wordlist.
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INTRODUCTION: The pie chart describes about the
boys
Use synonyms
 and girls cultural
activities
Use synonyms
 in
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 PARAGRAPH 1: When they have
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 spend sometime to other curricular
activities
Use synonyms
 those are followed basketball ball, soccer, reading, computer games, skateboarding, listing to music, gymnastics, netball, dancing. PARAGRAPH 2: The first pie chart tells about the
boys
Use synonyms
leisure
Use synonyms
 timeings
boys
Use synonyms
 are mostly spending
time
Use synonyms
 for computer games in
leisure
Use synonyms
 hours with the percentage of 34%.
Then
Linking Words
 coming to the next activity they spending
time
Use synonyms
 for 26% for basketball. Next like similar
time
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 spending on three
activities
Use synonyms
 those are soccer and skateboarding 17% and 11%. Listing to music aggregate to 10%.
Boys
Use synonyms
 are spending less percentage to reading
that is
Linking Words
 2%. PARAGRAPH 3: Girls pie chart gives the information in
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 girls are spending
time
Use synonyms
 for dance 27%. 21% for reading hours.
Time
Use synonyms
 play games for 16%. Spending
time
Use synonyms
 for Gymnastics percentage of 11%.
lastly
Linking Words
 netball and listings to music 15% and ,10%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, activities, leisure, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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