the bar chart shows the percentage of males and females aged 18-20 in a city who participated in a various activities in ine month in 2015.

the bar chart shows the percentage of males and females aged 18-20 in a city who participated in a various activities in ine month in 2015.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of two genders aged between 18 and 20 taking part in different activities in a month in the year 2015.
Overall
, football was the most popular sport among adolescent
males
whereas
the
females
preferred cycling the most.
Besides
, all activities except for cycling had a significant difference in light of the participation rate between
males
and
females
. There were three sports in which a higher percentage of boys participated than girls. More than half of the boys played football
while
only 15% of their girl counterparts did in 2015.
In addition
, the proportion of
males
participating in basketball was about 33%, threefold that of
females
. Hockey is the least attractive sport for both genders with only 12% of
males
and 5% of
females
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
in
this
sport. Cycling and swimming were more preferred by
females
than
males
. To be more precise, swimming attracted around 35% of
females
to participate , which was considerably higher than the figure for
males
, about one-fifth within the gender.
In contrast
, there is a minor difference between the percentages in cycling. 40% of
females
did cycling in
this
month, 5% higher than that of
males
.
Submitted by yoyoghurtxd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: