IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graphs show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.

The line graphs show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.
#line #graphs #show #production #demand #steel #million #tonnes #workers #industry #uk
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The chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the number of staff and needs
Use synonyms
steel
Change preposition
for steel
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 in the
steel
Use synonyms
 areas from January to December in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, requirement and worker of
steel
Use synonyms
 had great differences in 2010. Among them, the
manufacture
Change the verb form
manufacturing
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 quantity and true needs for
steel
Use synonyms
 were the highest in January , up to 5000 and 3000 million tonnes respectively. At the same time, the
employees
Correct quantifier usage
number of employees
show examples
 in the iron field was
also
Linking Words
 the maximum, which is 5500. And the truth necessity in August was the least, down to zero million tonnes. Till Aug, the trends of the requirements and workers for
Use synonyms
steel
Add an article
the steel
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 industry and want became similar and went to an average figure of 3000. It can be noticed that the digit of job person in
this
Linking Words
 trade
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amounted to a peak in August,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number dropped slowly after that.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
demand
Add an article
the demand
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 irons had a high point number of yield at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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4900.
Then
Linking Words
, the figure
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reduced gradually by December.
However
Linking Words
, the months from August to December
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
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 a rise
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 trust needs.
Submitted by cyh000823 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words steel with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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