IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that employers should give staff at least four weeks holiday per year to improve their job performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #employers #staff #four #weeks #holiday #year #job #performance
In today's competitive world, where employees have to go through stress and
Correct article usage
a hactic
show examples
hactic
Correct your spelling
hectic
 work schedule, many people think that employers should give
staff
Add an article
the staff
show examples
 at least four weeks of holiday per year to improve their job performance and I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement to a large extent. In the
folowing
Correct your spelling
following
passage
Add a comma
,passage
show examples
 I will state my reasons for my
beliefe
Correct your spelling
belief
beliefs
 and elaborate it
further
. As we are aware, our lives as humans are
becomming
Correct your spelling
becoming
 more stressful and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 very
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 to create a proper
worklife
Correct your spelling
work-life
work life
 balance. Because of the busy schedules and meeting
dead
Correct your spelling
deadlines
show examples
lines
Add a comma
,lines
show examples
 it's
importnat
Correct your spelling
important
 that organisations address the issue of employee wellbeing. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
times
Add a comma
,times
show examples
 we
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 seen
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and private agencies
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
working towards the betterment of the workers
however
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not the same in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries and at all levels of
hyrarcy
Correct your spelling
hierarchy
.
Unbalanced
Correct article usage
An unbalanced
show examples
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
 can cause serious physical and mental issues with the workers.
This
 leads to many employment and family
realted
Correct your spelling
related
 problems that
impacts
Change the verb form
impact
show examples
 a large number population. Holiday and
workbreaks
Correct your spelling
work breaks
 give a much needed personal time to employees where not only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relax and spend time with family, it
also
 gives them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to introspect and
reflact
Correct your spelling
reflect
 on their lives which in
returns
Fix the agreement mistake
return
show examples
 leads to better mental health.
However
, more awareness must be created amongst
Correct article usage
the massess
show examples
massess
Correct your spelling
masses
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labour wellbeing. Government policies and
ordinance
Fix the agreement mistake
ordinances
show examples
 to be made
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for better business practices for human resources and
given
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 four weeks off should be made
mendatory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 for all organisational workers. In conclusion,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
importnat
Correct your spelling
important
 to
underst
Correct your spelling
understand
 that better
workforse
Correct your spelling
workforce
 means
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
show examples
 economy and
flourishing
Correct article usage
a flourishing
show examples
 nation and
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of leaves can play a vital role in the same. Where our we will have motivated staff and happy families
along with
 a great
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
Government
 and private institutions must come
togather
Correct your spelling
together
 to put
this policies
Change the determiner
this policy
these policies
show examples
 in place.
Submitted by iamsyedahad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: