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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
#world #health #organization #people #five #portion #fruit #vegetables #bar #percentage #males #females #uk #age #group
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The given bar chart provides information about the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 of consuming five or more portions of
fruit
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 and
vagetables
Correct your spelling
vegetables
 per day by seven different
age
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 groups which
divided
Add a missing verb
were divided
show examples
 based on gender in the United Kingdom in 2006. It can be seen from
figure
Add an article
the figure
show examples
 that female was more consuming
fruit
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 with male in all
age
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 group.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
age
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 group of 55-64
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more consume those foods rather than other
age
Use synonyms
 groups and
75 year old
Add a hyphen
75-year-old
show examples
 showed
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 proportion based on gender. Regarding male gender, 55-64 years was the highest percentage of eating
fruit
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 per day at over 30%, followed by 65-74 and 75 at around one-fourth. 35-44 and 45-54 presented the same amount at over 20%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and 25-34 at 20%. In the
last
Linking Words
, the younger people
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 less consume
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
,
Correct quantifier usage
less, which
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15%. Turning to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, the most frequent
age
Use synonyms
 group who consume
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 was similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the male (55-64),
then
Linking Words
 followed by 65-74 and 45-54 with almost 30%.
Then
Linking Words
, 35-44 and 75 showed the same proportion at 25%. The bottom two
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
also
Linking Words
 adult and younger people,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at over 20% and over 15%, respectively.
Submitted by frens on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words fruit, age, vegetables with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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