IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
#world #health #organization #people #five #portion #fruit #vegetables #bar #percentage #males #females #uk #age #group
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who ate five or more parts of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 in the UK in 2006 divided by gender and
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, people aged 55 to 64 consumed the most
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 19 to 24 years old ate the least of those foods. Typically, females ate more
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 than males. It is obvious that the 55 to 64
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 is most likely to consume
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
, with
women
Use synonyms
 accounting for approximately 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
men
Use synonyms
 for 32
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it seemed that the younger people were, the less likely they were to eat
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
. The youngest
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 chart accounted for 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and 16
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
women
Use synonyms
. When it comes to gender,
women
Use synonyms
 preferred consuming
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 to
men
Use synonyms
 in almost every
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 except 75,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 sexes
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the same at 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The biggest gap between the proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 appeared in the 45 to 54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 accounted for 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more than
men
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by eerkare on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words fruit, vegetables, age, group, women, percent, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: