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Band 4.5

In modern times, young adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

#times #adult #time #families #friends #change #parents #force #children #home
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In
this
 contemporary era, teenagers prefer to have their leisure
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 with
friends
 rather than spending
time
 with families.
This
 change has occurred
due to
 several reasons,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 children must be forced by their parents to invest their
time
 at home. Spending more
time
 with
friends
 has become a trend nowadays,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 has happened owing to numerous factors. The prime reason is their same mindset as at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age children are easily attracted towards things which
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 them pleasure. There is an excitement to explore new ideas which encourages the juveniles to act together,
hence
 they tend to spend extra
time
 with each other. Another reason could
their
Add a missing verb
be their
show examples
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 phase which includes social development, mental health, physical fitness and so on. In
this
 phase of life,
youngters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 need companions with whom they can share their internal feelings and interests which they can not do with immediate family members, thereby in order to find peace and comfort in sharing their thoughts, they prefer to roam around with
friends
.
However
, it is vital to spend quality
time
 with family
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
so that they can have strong
bonding
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 with each other. As parents are the first teacher who
impart
Change the verb form
imparts
show examples
 moral values and
etiquettes
Fix the agreement mistake
etiquette
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them, teenagers must learn to respect and obey them. Families, especially parents not only always want
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 for their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 but
also
 support them in their critical
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
In addition
, young people must realise their responsibilities towards their homes since it would make them responsible citizens of society. There are many household chores that children must learn as it will associate them in their future.
Thus
, connecting with family more will give them learning experiences
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 eventually help them to survive in
this
 world. In conclusion, even though devoting
time
 to
friends
 has become a trend among younger folks as it gives them
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to do their
wish
Fix the agreement mistake
wishes
show examples
, investing
time
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 families will make them aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the challenges they will face in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 upcoming years.
Submitted by chitwan.tamanna09 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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