IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates about
age
Use synonyms
 of the staff that have been employed in the public sector in the UK for two years 2015 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie chart was divided into 5 subcategories with the range of their
age
Use synonyms
 groups.It is evident that the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 between 21-30 remains the highest percentage of staff that are employed in the public sector in both time periods. In 2020,the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 under 21 is not so great when compared to 2015 it dropped from 14% to 12%. Staff who are above 21 and below 30 found better in the public sector in 2020 there was a sudden jump from 23% to 33% which is huge.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the proportion of employees over the
age
Use synonyms
 of 40 climbed from 19% in 2015 to 28% by 2020. The
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 31-40 shrank drastically from 21% to 11%.
Similarly
Linking Words
 to the people who are above 50.The
age
Use synonyms
group
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 of 21-30 benefited the most the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 31-40 faced more issues.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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