IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 % female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percentage #women
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Whilst much evidence indicates a lower percentage of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in high-level
positions
Use synonyms
, I could not agree with the suggestion that there should be a regulation to ensure a certain percentage of
such
Linking Words
positions
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 since there are other methods that could better address
such
Linking Words
 problems. On the one hand, it is for sure that securing
positions
Use synonyms
 for female employees could cope with current problems in a short period of time,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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however
Linking Words
, it is equivalent to providing financial subsidies to poor people, it is only a temporary solution since the
Moreover
Linking Words
, it could make the capacity of high-level female workers being questioned, leading to a counter expected
result
Add the particle
to result
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 eventually.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I could not agree with
such
Linking Words
 opinions, since there are other countermeasures to address the issues as
such
Linking Words
. First of all, it should start
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 educational systems, in which youth should be encouraged to pursue their interests regardless of their gender, female students should be prompted to convey their thoughts and know that their voices matter. It could help
women
Use synonyms
 to be confident to fight for their rights in workplaces, including requests for a promotion.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is essential to have a transparent and fair pathway to a promotion for both man and
women
Use synonyms
, in which the work performance of employees be scored by a systematic system, which provides an equal chance for employees to level up their career. To summarize, it is inevitable that males take up the largest proportion of high-level jobs nowadays, even those institutions that consist of more than half of female workers.
However
Linking Words
, I do not agree that regulations for securing certain
positions
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 should be used to cope with problems, since there are other ways that could better solve the problem, even though, it will take longer time.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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