IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be require to allocate a certain percentage of these position to women. Do you agree?

#level #positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #cent #percentage #position #women
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Despite an incremental population of
women
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 shown in various industries, in some
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companies
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,companies
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 there are even more
females
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 than males, and it is rare to find
women
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 in senior
occupations
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. Whilst some people suggest that regulations for commercial institutions secure the number of high-level positions for
women
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, I could not agree with
such
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 perspectives since
gender
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 should not be the priority to define their working performance.  On the one hand, proponents, who are in favour of prompting strict rules to secure these
occupations
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 for
women
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, are convinced that
gender
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 discrimination is the main cause of only a few
females
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 playing the roles of managers. There are many statistics indicating the unfair treatment
women
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 face in the workplace, which makes them work twice as hard but still unable to have equal rewards as their male peers.
For example
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, in an experiment asking for performance feedback regarding an identical project under male and female names respectively, the result shows that the one under a female name received more queries compared to the other. Increasing the number of
females
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 in senior
occupations
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,
it
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apply
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could enhance their influence in male-dominated industries and prompt a
gender
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-equal working environment.
On the other hand
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, I could not agree with
such
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 opinions since
gender
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 should not be prioritized in selecting candidates for senior
occupations
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,
instead
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,
companies
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 should provide equal and transparent censorship to promote suitable employees, which focus more on personal capacity and characteristics. It not only benefits female employees but allows
companies
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 to enhance their competitiveness.
For instance
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, one of the most famous shipping commercial institutions FedEx introduced artificial intelligence to score their workers based on their working performance to prevent possible prejudice regarding
gender
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.  To summarise, the truth of
gender
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 discrimination toward
females
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 is undeniable,
however
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, I could not agree with those who suggest
companies
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 should secure a certain amount of high-level positions for
females
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 since I believe the best solution to address the current issue is to provide a working environment for competent individuals to have opportunities to better contribute to
companies
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 they are working for.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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