In modern times, young adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?
It has been observed that youngsters are more indulged in spending great
time
with their friends circle and less attention
to their families. In this
essay, I will explain the reasons for this
notion such
as being more involved in parties, more inclination towards social gatherings, and involvement in gadgets and technology, and also
explain what stake guardians in order to motivate them to spend their time
with family members.
To begin
with, firstly
, college goers use to
spend more Verb problem
usually
time
with their friends and acquaintances as they more focus on their social events and get together which resluts
in Correct your spelling
results
lesser
Correct word choice
less
attention
to their parents
. For instance
, an article published in Add an article
the creative
a creative
creative
magazineCapitalize word
Creative
,
indicated that youngsters Remove the comma
apply
use
to Wrong verb form
used
spent
more Wrong verb form
spend
time
in institue
festivals and events and Correct your spelling
institute
willing
to focus more Add a missing verb
were willing
attention
towards their social gathering
. Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
Secondly
, more involvement in social media platform
Change the noun form
platforms
such
as facebook
, Capitalize word
Facebook
twitter
, Capitalize word
Twitter
Correct word choice
and instagram
instagram
, more distraction from their family Change the capitalization
Instagram
responsibilty
and lesser support provided to their Correct your spelling
responsibility
parents
.
In order to bring back attention
of children, Add an article
the attention
parents
should encourage them to participate in household corus
and other Correct your spelling
chores
imparitive
stuff so that Correct your spelling
imperative
youngster
can bring more Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
attention
towards their family
. Fix the agreement mistake
families
For example
, parents
can motivate their young aults
to Correct your spelling
adults
particapte
with them Correct your spelling
participate
for
important Change preposition
in
decision making
for Add a hyphen
decision-making
betterment
of their homes. They should not force them to do so as they are grown up to Add an article
the betterment
take
their Correct your spelling
make
decision
in their lives.
Correct word choice
own decision
To conclude
, indudling
more on social gathering and gadgets, leading to lesser Correct your spelling
indulging
attention
towards parents
. Therefore
, parents
should encourage their wards to focus and give more attention
towards relatively important aspects in
their home. Change preposition
of
This
sould
be done wisely Correct your spelling
should
could
otherwise
young
generation usually Correct article usage
the young
get
distracted.Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task, but it lacks depth and clarity in discussing the reasons for the change. Try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on the impact of social gatherings and technology on family relationships.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has some logical progression in presenting ideas, there are some areas where the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a main point and transitions smoothly to the next.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks variety in expression. Expand your vocabulary by using synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more descriptive language.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout your essay, including sentence structure, verb tense, and word choice. Review grammar rules and proofread your work to eliminate these errors.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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