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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of dif erent employment status.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of dif erent employment status.
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The given table compares the weekly amount of spare
time
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 spent by males and females of a variety of employment statuses between 1998 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the groups of unemployed and retired people of the two sexes spent the same amount of
time
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 on leisure activities. As can be clearly seen from the graph,
full-timetime
Correct your spelling
full-time
 employers of males enjoyed leisure
time
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 more than females within 2 years.
This
Linking Words
 group of men spent nearly 45
hours
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 as pastime
whereas
Linking Words
 accounted
time
Use synonyms
 for women was 38
hours
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the amount of leisure
time
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 enjoyed by
full-timetime
Correct your spelling
full-time
 female workers was 40
hours
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 per week.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, in the given
time
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 numbers for unemployed and retired people levelled off. Jobless and pensionry groups of men spent over 80
hours
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 on spare
time
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 activities
while
Linking Words
 women had merely 78
hours
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 weekly. Those indicators on the graph were the highest in these 2 years. Housewives enjoyed almost 50
hours
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 which was a little more than part and full-timetime female employers , but lower than non-workers and pensionaries.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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