IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie chart shows/illustrates the different industries for graduate
students
Use synonyms
chose
Wrong verb form
chosen
show examples
 from Brighton
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, graduates entering the service
industry
Use synonyms
 occupied a much higher percentage than any other field.
In contrast
Linking Words
, sports were much lower than any other field. In 2019, it was
significantly
Change the word
significant
show examples
 that more than
one a third
Correct your spelling
one-third
show examples
 (33%)
Change preposition
of graduates
show examples
graduates
Correct subject-verb agreement
graduate
show examples
students
Use synonyms
selected
Add a missing verb
were selected
show examples
into
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the service industries, which was a host
industry
Use synonyms
 for
students
Use synonyms
’
choice
Use synonyms
. The second and third
Use synonyms
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
 had similar data that people
choice
Use synonyms
 product
industry
Use synonyms
 and education occupied 16.3% and 14.7% respectively, and the politics and government departments were allocated 12.1% graduates’
students
Use synonyms
, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was the fourth place in
Use synonyms
students
Correct article usage
the students
show examples
choice
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
remain
Change the verb form
remaining
show examples
Use synonyms
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
 by
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
choice
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as transportation and warehousing, science and technology, civil service, charity, sports and others occupied a quarter(7.8%, 7.3%, 5.6%, 0.3%,0.1%,
2.8
Correct word choice
and 2.8
show examples
% respectively) in the whole
industry
Use synonyms
 pie chart. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, in
this
Linking Words
industry
Use synonyms
 sports and charity were not popular
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
students
Use synonyms
choice
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, industry, choice with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • employment sectors
  • graduates
  • significant
  • percentage
  • trend
  • compare
  • most chosen
  • least popular
  • distribution
  • highlight
  • graduate destinations
  • notable
  • cohesive understanding
  • employment trends
  • pie chart
  • bar chart
  • overview
  • chosen career paths
  • sector popularity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: