IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit the workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With modern sophisticated technology,
instead
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 of travelling to work, a greater number of
working
Replace the word
workers
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 are working from home, connecting their computers or other devices to the internet. As
such
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, working traditions have changed with a new trend nowadays,
while
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 others believe that it only satisfies the employee rather than the employer. In my opinion,
although
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 both views have merit, I agree that working remotely does not only satisfy personnel but
also
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 the company management.
Firstly
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, it
is mislead
Change the verb form
is misleading
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 to think that working remotely doesn’t admire the leaders,
For instance
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, after the
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 pandemic,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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some
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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offices
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 closed and the work-from-home trend started.
Moreover
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, some of them already
rent
Wrong verb form
rented
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 or even sold their offices.
For example
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, GOOGLE is now allowing their IT employees to work remotely so that they can focus more on their job, at the same time
also
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decreases
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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 their rental fees each month.
Furthermore
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, they will not pay electricity bills
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 or water consumption and
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
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this
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 will definitely lead to more profit.
Besides
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, all these bills could eventually lead to an increase in the employee’s salaries and motivate their employees.
On the other hand
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, employees not going to the
office
Use synonyms
 in the morning every day, especially in the winter time, is playing a great role in making their activity much easier, especially for the ones having a family.
For example
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, some workers may prepare breakfast or lunch for their children,
while
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 others may take a break to bring their children to school.
As a result
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, it seems that even workers are benefiting from not going to
Use synonyms
office
Add an article
the office
an office
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. Despite the difficulty of the job, or how consistent you are, being near your family, without being stressed in an
office
Use synonyms
 is an incentive.
Moreover
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, families now are not spending money on buses, food delivery and even a nanny, since they are always available all the time. In conclusion, as mentioned before, staffs working in
Use synonyms
office
Add an article
an office
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 may decline growth,
furthermore
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, sometimes stressful as well, especially when both spouses are working
while
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 having kids.
However
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, paying for rent and electricity bills could sometimes damage the company’s profit and decrease the team’s salaries,
thus
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 in my opinion, working
comfort
Replace the word
comfortably
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 at home may
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 both the crew and the business.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task only partially. While you have provided some extent of discussion on both perspectives, there is a need to develop a clearer position throughout the essay. Ensure that the position taken is maintained and clarified with relevant examples consistently to meet the task requirements more fully.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. However, there are noticeable issues with the logical progression of ideas and the use of cohesive devices. Aim to organize your ideas more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon cohesively. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing; each paragraph should deal with one aspect of the topic.
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