IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

One of your friends wants to apply for a job at a summer school camp as a sports trainer. Write a letter to the camp manager to recommend your friend. In your letter •say how well you know your friend •describe the qualifications and experience that your friend has •explain why your friend would be suitable for this job.

#friends #job #summer #school #camp #sports #trainer #manager #friend #•say #•describe #qualifications #•explain
Dear Mr. Mike, I hope
this
 email finds you well. I am writing
this
 letter to recommend
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
 as a sports trainer in
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
 school camp that will be starting soon. First and foremost, I wanted to let you know some information about my
friend
. My
friend
Change noun form
friend's
show examples
 name is Jony, and we have
a
Add a missing verb
had a
show examples
very good friendship since childhood. I have a good connection with his family members too.
Moreover
, my
friend
 completed his
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 program
on
Change preposition
as
show examples
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
show examples
 trainer with good academic
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
. He is not only a
meriterious
Correct your spelling
meritorious
 student but
also
 a good communicator which always helps him to accomplish the task on time.
In addition
, he has been working in a multinational company as a sports trainer for seven months. It seems to me that my
friend
 will be a good
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 for the position you are looking for. There are several reasons behind
this
 opinion
such
 as good communication and leadership skills, good academic
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 and previous work experiences etc. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon regarding
this
 matter. Yours sincerely, Faisal
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your letter follows a clear and logical structure. Most information is organized, but there could be clearer transitions between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are suitable, but using 'email' instead of 'letter' might not be consistent with the requested format. Maintain consistency throughout.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, and this has mostly been achieved. Ensure the topic sentence clearly states the paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
Your response completes the task, but be sure to develop each point fully. More detail could be provided about the friend's qualifications and experiences.
task achievement
The tone of the writing is suitable for the task, being appropriately formal for a recommendation letter. However, beware of minor slip-ups in tone consistency, especially in closings or casual expressions.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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